Character and character

On the way to my place of work I spent an uncomfortable quarter of an hour thinking over what She Who Must Be Obeyed had said about me having to be a “character.” It seemed an unfair charge. I drink Chateau Thames Embankment because it’s all I can afford. It keeps me regular and blots out certain painful memories, such as a bad day in Court in front of Judge Graves, an old darling who undoubtedly passes iced water every time he goes to the Gents. I enjoy the fragrance of a small cigar. I relish an argument. This is the way of life I have chosen. I don’t have to do any of these things in order to be a character. Do I?

From John Mortimer’s “Rumpole a la Carte”